Monday, 11 July 2016

Things Not To Do At The Movies: Cinema Sins

This is a pretty self explanatory post..

Somehow I feel like it's my civic duty as an avid movie goer, to point out that are things that are unforgivable when it comes to the movies/cinema/pictures; whatever you call in it your native tongue.

So I recently.. well last week, watched Alice Through The looking Glass; the second part to Tim Burton's much anticipated adaptation of the beloved second book of Lewis Carol's Alice In Wonderland. Yes, it has been sitting on my bookshelf for a while and no I haven't read it. But after witnessing the coming to life of this amazing story, it kind of got me excited to read it. But onto more pressing matters...

It definitely has been a while since I found myself at a 10am movie. I had great expectation due to previous marvelous experiences with early movies. We'd found ourselves fed from a fabulous brekkie and ready to get on with it at the movie house. But alas, with modern times I found myself marveling at the unfortunate mistakes and irritations of people around me having not even entered the actual cinema yet,

So let me reiterate to those who cannot respect casual movie etiquette...
  • If you play with your phone while seated in a cinema seat and the lights are off: I will punch you in the face. Really, jokes aside this is number one of my list of irritations and cinema sins. How can you even think of playing on your phone? Can your WhatsApps really not wait? Do you have to check your email or take a bleeping selfie while seated? I see you; IMAX selfie takers! Yes I'm secretly judging you. There's a special place in Hell reserved for you!
  • For the love of God and all that is holy, do not take kids with you into the popcorn line. This is reason that massively puts me off purchasing overpriced confectionery (apart from being overpriced of course!). I get that peeps like taking a bunch of kids to the movies during school holidays. There's nothing wrong with that, in fact encouraged. But I really don't see a point in 5-7 kids standing in the popcorn line, screaming/demanding all the candy they want. Get another adult/parent to stand aside while you order and then call everyone over to collect.
  • Don't book seats so close together unless it's absolutely necessary. So I would have supposed my 10am movie to serve as a time where everyone could sit comfortable away from others. Till I found myself seated next to 2 middle aged women. Note that the one next to me was performing the unspeakable act of playing on her phone. Also note that I booked our seats first... The second time around that she yanked her phone out I immediately looked to my right for empty seats and melancholy looked at my boyfriend who felt my pain, cursed out loud and moved 4 spaces to the right, away from Satan's movie house ruin-er. 
  • In the above situation I usually don't judge but in others I say: Don't sit in someone else's seat. Seriously, just don't take the chance when you know that there might be probability of you moving. I will ask you to move off from MY seat and yes I will make it as uncomfortable as possible. 
  • Lastly I'm not funny with kids being brought into a cinema, it's a right of passage. But I do find it extremely annoying when you bring an ill child to the cinema or you feed it way too much junk food. This one time a family of 4; mom, dad, tween and toddler took a classic turn of feeding the toddler way too much candy leading to him being sick all over seat he was sitting on. Funny enough in turn of karma and the above "sin", a group of teenager boys snuck into the cinema and found some empty seats; empty vomit filled seats. The next sequences of action was even funnier than the movie. The boys then realised and immediately got up and ran out the screening. I think that'll make anyone think twice of sitting in someone else's seat let alone popping their heads into a movie they haven't exactly paid for! 

I hope that no one is offended by the satirical nature of this post. It's just humour so laugh a little :)

Until next time!

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